when i grow up...

i think i'm finally taking responsibility for my spending habits and, by extension, the resultant financial crises i've experienced (am experiencing).

maybe i'm an adult now.

last night i consciously skipped going to the gym as a symbolic act underlining my commitment to put my financial well-being (or just-alright-being) first as my number one priority and prime consumer of all my energy.

if only i'd tripped over a million bucks.

instead, i went to taco bell (budget-conscious) and carried it home with me to fuel an evening of work trying to find small or part-time gigs that would bring in some more money.

as i ate my beef meximelt on the train ride home (didn't want it to get cold), i felt acutely aware of my fellow riders' reactions. from the amount of attention they were paying me, i think the smell must have been pretty strong. at one point, i wanted to turn to the girl next to me who kept staring at me pointedly and say, "you wanna pay my bills? ok, then stop making that face at the only meal i could afford!".

i felt so underprivileged and impoverished.

and then i got home, opened my brand new macbook pro (17", baby!) and propped myself up on my luxe queen-size sleigh bed to write my latest whiny blog entry.

"...SO-o-meday...things are gonna get easier...SOo-meday, things'll be bri-i-ighter..."